I’m hoping this is The End. I’ll write as if it is, because that is all I can hope for. Monday I had my final surgery. They removed my port, peace out! While the port didn’t really bother much anymore it was a constant symbol on my left shoulder of a bad road I had to walk down. We all know it as, ‘the shit show’. It’s gone.

Also gone are the rock hard expanders. Seriously, who invented these things? They feel like an air mattress stuffed in your chest. Not a soft, squishy pillow that you want a boob to feel like. My youngest came to hug me while I was standing up and he nearly knocked himself out with my lethal weapons. “OUCH!” He yelled. To which I replied, “Ouch?!?! Ouch?!?! How do you think I feel?”

Happy to have all of it gone. I now have soft boobs that a normal person would pay for, pretty sure I paid in a different way. However, I can’t even feel my soft boobies yet. Everything is tightly, securely, wrapped and I can’t unwrap the present until my post-op follow up with my plastic surgeon. He did fat grafting along with the expander swap out in order to give my breasts a more natural look and feel with real fat. So it’s like liposuction covered by insurance. Sign me up. However… I wasn’t prepared for the recovery.

After surgery in the recovery room, I felt more dizzy than usual, more drained, more ick. As they began to wheel me out to Brian I had to make them stop so I could get sick, or at least I thought I was. When you go into surgery they make you take everything off and you place it in a plastic bag that is then put in a locker for you. No bringing your backpacks and phone into the actual operating room. My bag with some of my belongings is sitting on my lap while they’re wheeling me out. I’m thinking about getting sick, I might get sick, I think it’s coming, here it is! I rip out my hat and purse from the bag and just cough into it. Nothing comes out, which makes sense since I haven’t eaten or drank anything for almost 24 hours. Luckily I’m still numb and don’t feel the pain of dry heaving after my stomach was just liposuctioned.

I’m able to make it home without getting sick in the car. Pat myself on the back for that. Brian gets me situated in my recliner in our bedroom so I can rest for the night. I’m thinking about getting sick, I might get sick, I think it’s coming, here it is! I jump out of the recliner to make it to the bathroom just in time. My stomach is now starting to get feeling back, please go numb again.

I’m finally able to eat a popsicle and keep nausea medicine down. I should be in the clear. Getting up and down from a seated or reclined position is excruciating. I make it out of my room to say good night to Jesse. My mom, who stayed the night to help, looks at me and says, “I think you’re leaking.” What does that even me? I’m confused. She glances at my waistline and I follow with my eyes. Oh shit! I AM leaking. I think I popped a stitch in my dry heaving moments. Ugh. So now my mom and I are trying to unwrap my stomach in order to replace bandages. Can’t replace the compression wrap, it’s the only one I have. It’s after 9 o’clock. Not making my mom drive around looking for another one. You do what you gotta do. I put the compression wrap back on, comfort my stomach with a beach towel shoved around my waistband and hope for the best.

As you can see, by my current state of typing, I survived. My pain is 100% still here, but it has gotten a bit better. I haven’t taken nausea meds since Tuesday night and I’m able to eat. This healing seems worse that the original surgery, however I have to remember I had a different pain blocker for the original surgery. I also had a wound vac on my chest to make sure everything stayed tight and right. I also did not have stitches in my stomach that are perfectly placed where your stomach wants to crease as you bend.

Small price to pay for my new magic boobs.

Thank you all again for following me along in my shit show journey. Your kindness and compassion have not gone unnoticed. I appreciate and am grateful for all the words, hugs, support, gifts, everything.

What’s next for me? I’m hoping to get back in the workforce at the end of the summer. Looking for a part-time opportunity that is flexible to allow me to work from home at least some of the time. Client services, account coordinator, etc. I love working with clients and being their champion for different projects. I also want to get back into writing, thank you to this blog and everyone that reached out to tell me they enjoy my style of writing. It’s crazy that as a child I wanted to be an author but never followed through with any aspect of writing. It took breast cancer and this blog to get that passion back. I’m currently brainstorming story ideas. I thought about turning this blog into a book, I even went as far as putting together a full proposal for it and submitted it to some publishers. Unfortunately, the market is already saturated with ‘breast cancer journeys’ and publishers aren’t interested. It’s fine though. I’m going to turn this into a book for my own coffee table book and my blog will be available for those that might need it. Back to the drawing board of story lines…

Don’t forget, just because my journey is winding down, doesn’t mean you start to neglect your boobs. Go get them checked!