Just couldn’t stand it any longer. My hair, or should I say the lack of hair. Sure, my hair was growing in, but as I mentioned in a previous post, it was coming in so patchy. Like, I looked like an alley cat that had been in a fight. A freaking mange cat. I wouldn’t leave the house without a hat or wrap. I thought of shaving it again but that too was depressing. Mentally I felt that if I shaved my head again I was going backwards in my journey. Super frustrating and defeating. Then there was “a day”. You know the day. Everyone has one of these days. The day where you’re emotional and everything either pisses you off, or makes you cry, or both. I was coming out of radiation pissed off, so I cried. My clothes don’t fit like they did, so I was pissed and I cried. I’m staring at myself in the mirror, trying to convince myself that my hair is starting to fill in. It might have been, but it’s not doing it fast enough for me. I’m pissed. And to be honest, I don’t need anyone to tell me it will all happen in due time. Thanks Captain Obvious, that’s not mentally helping me. I’m a smart person, I realize it won’t happen overnight, but I’m the mange cat (not you) and I’d like to take this opportunity to be freaking pissed off again and complain. In that moment, my husband calls and can hear the ticking time bomb in my head. We went to lunch and had a great conversation. I held back tears as we talked, because let’s be honest, crying at a restaurant is awkward for everyone. ha! The result of that conversation is shown below…

As you can see, I finally realized that shaving my head again wasn’t a step back. In fact, my original confidence is back since shaving it. I feel like you can see that in my picture. I’ll walk around without anything covering my head. Rockin’ the bald again. Will I keep my head forever shaved? Fuck no!!! Silly. I’m still starring at my head every morning looking for hair to grow. BUT, I want the hair to grow together, not in patches. At some point, that will happen. It better damn it! Until that time, I’ll just keep cleaning it up. Still patiently waiting for eyebrows and eyelashes to come too.

Now, let’s talk radiation. SUPER ANNOYING. Today was treatment #16. 17 to go. This is a daily annoyance, Monday – Friday. Every. Freaking. Day. The actual radiation procedure is quick. I’m maybe on the table for the “lasers” to get me for about 5-10 minutes. The treatment area is starting to get a little pink and now also starting to itch. Again, think of how a sunburn looks and feels. Now imagine getting sunburned in that same spot every freaking day. It just gets more sensitive, more red/patchy and more itchy. Woo-hoo. I just keep lathering up and hope for the best. My nurses and doctor are wonderful, so that helps. If I could make one suggestion for the nurses though, I would. In fact, I did give them a suggestion the other day. My suggestion is for them to wear those hand warmer pouches like the football players wear. Seriously! Get on that. As I’m laying naked from the waist up, they have to make sure I’m positioned correctly. That my massive tattoos they gave me are lining up with the light beams. I’m laying on a sheet (on the table), which allows them to wiggle the sheet around to move me slightly. However, sometimes they need to touch my skin to check positioning or move my arm. Hello dead hands! Do you have ANY blood flow going to your hands and fingers? I think not. Strap on a hand warmer pouch!

I can’t believe we’re already in mid November. Christmas is next month and I haven’t even started thinking about shopping. But I have thought about boobs. Now you have too. Go ahead and get your mammograms scheduled. It will make the holidays merrier.