Every day I’m amazed by the support and outreach I receive. I’m doing exactly what you all would be doing if the roles were reversed, fight. Some days are better than others and this last round of chemo decided to linger, fucker. My oncologist did tell me while my symptoms likely wouldn’t change, they may linger and my fatigue will increase. Apparently he knows what he’s talking about. Took me a bit longer to bounce back this time after last Wednesday. It’s the on and off nausea that is the most annoying. The amount of water you want to drink during chemo is just silly. ‘Flush out the toxins,’ they say. ‘Give me a beer,’ I say. Water nowadays literally makes me want to gag. I can take a drink, but to chug, is out of the question. It makes my stomach immediately feel so full that I feel overloaded, like the nursery rhyme, “tip me over and pour me out.” Gatorade seems OK to get down, as does Dunkin’ Donuts Refreshers with coconut milk. Yes, I realize water is better because there is no sugar, but I’ll do me. I’ve also developed ‘chemo cough’. Yeah me!!! So when you see me, and I’m coughing, it’s NOT covid!
Met with my Oncologist yesterday, weight is holding strong. Not something we’re usually happy about, but for this it’s a win. My labs, while not on point, are nothing to be concerned about. Another win. I also requested approval for a medical marijuana card to help with my nausea. I’ll take, “Things I never thought I’d say for $1,000”. Please don’t ask me to get anything for your social purposes, I’ll cut you. Oncologist also told me he’s going to give me a 3 week break after my last ‘Red Devil’ chemo this upcoming Wednesday. Gives my body a chance to reset before I start a 12-week weekly chemo of taxol. I can’t decide if that will be a nice break, or a tease to my body and mind. Time will tell.
Brought “Cindy” out to celebrate Father’s Day at my favorite, Coopershawk. Rocked a bald head at a Wolves game. Well, I had a hat on because my head was chilly. My oldest son, Evan, says the hat makes me look British, so we’ve called this hat, “Bridget.” I also brought “Penny” out for an impromptu lunch date with the hubby at a local favorite, Rosie O’Hare’s. Our normal waitress did a double take because I was there two weeks ago bald. Ha! Apparently blondes DO have more fun.
During this journey I have not hidden myself because of my physical changes, as you can see. These changes are now defining me as a woman, a friend, a daughter, and a mother. I’ve embraced the physical changes I chose NOT to have, but do. The scars will be here for life, and that means I have a story to tell for life. Thank you all for seeing my physical changes and scars and treating me no different. I, on the other hand, do see a little different. I’m looking at everyone’s boobs as they walk by! Seriously. Good boobs, bad boobs. Small boobs, big boobs (should be a Dr. Seuss book). I can’t help it. I look, envy the good boobs (I’m human and realistic) and hope they get mammograms to keep those good boobs. Come on now, I also hope the saggy boobs get mammograms, I’m not a jerk. It’s a natural instinct to look at things that have been unexpectedly taken away too soon. If you quit smoking, do you not stare at people that are smoking? Boom! It’s OK, just don’t get caught looking. That would be odd.
Now everyone, look at your boobs. Have you gotten your mammogram this year? If not, GO!!!! Have a great weekend. Red Devil #4 on Wednesday.